√3

My friend showed me a poem that's so meaningful that it deserves a post of it's own here. Its entitled √3, and that is my perfect number. This poem is me. So here it goes.

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

So I hope you enjoyed it, and today I wont write long speeches about this poem. It's yours to interpret, yours to read, yours to enjoy.

Cya later

Fen

Choices

author : WiciaQ @ deviantart

All of our lives revolve around choices. We wake up, every day, and we are haunted by several choices. Some of them are easy, such as which clothes shall I wear today? Relatively speaking of course. But simple action as these may lead to different (and sometimes disastrous) results. Because if, for example, today I choose to stay five more minutes in bed, therefore when I leave home, I see a huge accident in my way. That could've been me, were I not sleepy. Then again, because I was sleepy, I may step on the gas, and a truck hit me or something. This wouldn't have happened if I had woken up on time, right?
Then it's all about making the right ones? But the real question is, how do we know the right from the wrong? We cannot predict the future, there's no certainty to what ever we chose to be the right choice. There's always room for doubt, isn't there?

I find that the most useless expression we have is the 'what if' expression. 'What if I had paid more attention? What if I had listened harder? What if I was better?' I think that it's no use to think on what could've been, because then we can lose ourselves in this line of thought. There's a huge spider web of non-fulfilled possibilities, but there's only one line that matters. The ones that did happen. There's no point in looking back and wondering if we should had done differently, what's done is done.

So what am I really saying here? No, I'm not saying not to think your choices through, because that's just plain irresponsible. What I'm trying to say here is this. Weight them well. Think them through, Re-think if you must. It's your life after all. But don't get caught in the mistake of wondering back. The road back is a road that leads to nowhere. Don't be afraid to choose wrongly, because, ultimately there are no wrong choices. Whatever you choose (for better or worse), is your choice, your life, therefore its the right choice. And only time can tell the true results of your choices. And if it proves to not have been the best, well, that's life. And we can only live forward isn't it?

And what of destiny? Pre-chose life? The concept that no matter what we choose, we will end where someone chose us to be. Well, I like to think that I'm in control of my own actions, and therefore what ever I chose, its my choice, not some pre-arranged choice some higher deity did for me at the time of my birth (or even earlier who knows?). Yes, this may sound rather arrogant, but this is my belief. And I think an explanation of my beliefs is due here, so yes, I think that this world was created by some external force (God, perhaps?), because this (and by this i do mean Everything) fits too well for being a random chain of events. Physics, Chemistry, Maths, it's all just too perfect to be random. It fit's too well. So I'm 'forced' to believe that something higher than us made this. But I think that this is where this 'God'(Let's just call him God, for lack of a better word) intervention stopped. He created universe and then just left it on 'autopilot', left us to rule us. So , due to this belief, I refuse to accept destiny. Whatever choices we make are our own. We get to decide our lives. Wouldn't it be rather hopeless if we didn't? What was the meaning then?

Bottom line. Whenever there's a choice to make, stop, think, do it. And don't look back. Forward is the only way now.

Cya later.

Fen

The so called END

They say all good things come to an end right? It's "the way of life", "the way things are", and I got to question, why? Why must all good things end? Wouldn't it be great to reach some sort of happiness state and just freeze there? A never ending awesome moment?

I think not, because in life we need contrast. How can we appreciate what's good if we don't know what's bad? If I were to stay forever in a "never ending awesome moment", I believe that moment would no longer be awesome, just plain boring.
In those moments of sadness, we flee to the memories of a better time, therefore appreciating them more, even because they are gone. We can never get enough good moments, but we need the bad ones (unfortunately) to appreciate them well.
A perfect life wouldn't be perfect if there were no sad times in it. And no, I don't think this is a paradox. Perfect (in my book) just isn't good straight on. Its a lot of good moments followed by some (hopefully tiny) bad ones.
So good moments must end for us to appreciate them? This sounds rather stupid of our part. We have a good moment, not enjoying it while it's there , and when it's gone, we appreciate it the most?
Again, I don't think so. It's because we enjoy that moment, while it's there, that we appreciate it when it's not. We know that was good. We flee there when we must. We remember.
And this lead me to think about death. because that's the ultimate bad moment, the ultimate end. Well, depends on your belief.

So I'm sitting here, thinking about "what if no one died?" . Well, the first image that come to my head, is of an overcrowded world, full of greedy people, trying to conquer space, because simply there was not enough room for us all down here, on this "little" planet earth. And this I know, where mankind touches, mankind corrupts. So I guess this is one of the reasons why this (good?)thing called life must end.
It would be good not to die, right? Stay here forever? See mankind destroy the world over and over again? See nations rise and fall? I don't think so. There's a reason why people have such "limited" lifespans, and I tend to think that if we were immortal, we would lose interest in life itself. It's like I said earlier, we need contrast. We appreciate life because it ends.
Then it's inevitable, we must die. This does sound rather hopeless, I agree to that. And if we look around, to avoid this hopelessness, we see so many theories. Heaven (and therefore Hell)and Reincarnation are just some examples. We can not accept the end, something so final. And personally, I can not as well. I believe people do go somewhere when they die, and it must be good. Why? Because no one came back yet. (Sorry if this dark humor hurt someone, it was not my intention).

So, all I really got to say, after all this babling around is this : Life is indeed short. Life has indeed some bad moments. But I think that if we live each day fully, trying to do our best, beeing true to ourselves, I think we have all it takes to make a good life, full of good moments, so when tose bad ones come around now and then, we are prepared for them, we have all those good moments to help us go through that!

So enjoy! Do it rather than don't. There's no turning back you know? No second chance? So we might as well do it right!



Cya later

Fen

Friendship

Friends. What are these? Do we need them? Do they need us? Why do we bother?



So I went to the dictionary (first google search really) and found this :

Friend

–noun

1.	a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.	a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3.	a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4.	a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5.	(initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

So it seems that a friend is a very relative term. It can be anything from someone who has feelings for you, to just somone who is not hostile to you.

Looking deeper, I think it is human nature to search for company. We naturally go out and look for someone who shares the same intrests, or at least accepts us. Perhaps some primal instinc to gather in packs for security? Whatever the reason, we need these relationships in order to be well with ourselves.
Well, ok I agree, we all need our alone moments, but think on this, would you want to be alone for ever? Not a single soul here on planet Earth to be with you? I'd rather not, thank you. Because, it's in the presence of others that we are happier. If you think on your happiest moment yet, you'll realize you weren't alone. So, yes, we do need friends. Friends are what holds us here.

But I have yet to define what a friend is. And the dictionary didn't do much good (as I knew it wouldn't), because it's such a relative definition. It really depends on what you are looking for.
In my point of view, there are 3 types of friends :

For myself, I consider a friend someone whom I can trust and depend on. Someone whom I can tell anything, knowing he/she/it won't tell a soul about it. Somoene who interferes on your behalf, behind your back sometimes, to look after your best interests, when you are not there to defend yourself. This, I consider a true friend. If you are lucky, you can count some of these in your circle.

Then, you have those regular friends. they are there for you, ok. But if stuff gets too hard, too tough, you'll see them vanish in a blink of an eye. You tell them something, hoping they won't share it.Despite this, they support you, help you, may lead you to the right path. Therefore, I call them just Friends. Probably the most of your circle.

Finally, the other type are those that come and go as time goes by, reappearing sometimes, disappearing the rest. And when they do come, it's just to ask something from you. You probably can count on them, they'll probably be there. But you never know. This, I simply call acquaintances.

So, all I have to say now is this. Look at yourself, without anything bloking your view, and ask yourself. What kind of friend are you to your friends? I'm hoping you are not just an acquaintance. And if you are a friend, or even a true friend, then the answer to the question 'do they need us?' is absolutly and completly obvious. Of course they do! And let me congratlate you, if you realy are one of these.

And finally, why bother? The answer is resumed to this simple sentence : 'United we are stronger'. Alone, in this world, we'll go nowhere. Fast. And when we reach that, there's no turning back. Not now. Not ever. So STOP. Think. Act. Change (if you need). Before its to late.

Cya later

Fen

Emotionless

Today I started to think about emotions. These feelings that drive us daily. The hurt that they cause us. The dmage that they make. That beast that makes men and women alike to (re)act, despite better judgemt. We are slaves to this beast. We cannot live without it. Love. Hate. Rage.Calm. What would we be without these?And most importantly, why do we act upon these?

What kind of world would this be, if there was no emotions? A cinnical one , that's for sure. A logical one? A reasonable one? A peacefull one perhaps? Because greed is also an emotion, and greed creates war (or enhances them).So I think its fair to assume that without emotions there would be no war. Perhaps not even crime. Perhaps not even happiness. Joy.
So, it would not be perfect, and I came to this conclusion.

I think that, in the end, it all comes down to one big reason. We only live once (I may debate this further on, but for today, let's us assume this is correct). And we NEED to feel alive. Emotions makes us fell alive. Its flesh versus spirit, and I'm afraid to say, flesh wins. It's this simple. I said above that this world would be a peacefull place if we were emotionless. And I stand by that. But, a peacefull world, whee noone enjoys that peace, is not a world I desire. We need emotions to enjoy all that's around us. We feel alive when we are happy. We feel alive when we are in love. When we rage, and we do this alot, the heat of a moment makes us feel alive.

And so I came to the conclusion that emotions are what defines our lifes. We could not be trully alive, if we never felt alive. And as to emotions hurting people. Well, we do act upon emotions to feel alive, and as someone once said, the next man's pain is another man's pleasure. It's all a big game , where each and everyone of us try to live by, where noone wins or loses, we just play the game. And someone just lost it.

Well cya later.

Fen

Illumination

Today I realized something. And as naive as it may sound, I realized that i'd rather be a guy who makes himself look life a fool while trying, than the guy who stays "safely" behind the "I'd rather wait for the best chance possible", and therefore, never acts!

As of today, I have a newway to look at life! I will no longer linger in the shadow and wait for a better chance, I will no longer wait for the right time. I'll simply make the right time, I'll create the better chance! I'ts do or die. (pardon me the expression).

Because (and this is what I realized), if you keep on waiting for the right time, you will just be making excuses NOT to do it. And in the end, when you don't do it, you'll just say ..."nah, it wasn't important, it would't have worked , it would just make me unhappy when I failed" . I'm tired of this. What if it was your chance of a lifetime? What if that girl (for whom you are waiting for the right time , and keep on waiting untill she just finds another guy) is actualy your soulmate?
Wouldn't you rather give it a try? Ask yourself this, what's the worst thing that can happen?

The worst thing that can happen is: you do make yourself look like a fool , and you failed at something you wanted to do. (ask a girl out , get that job enterview, make peace with that friend, etc). So yes, you MAY look life a fool. You MAY be unhappy but, and I speak for myself, I think i can take a little humilliation. it doesn't kill me , therefore it makes me stronger! And, if you dont fail, the reward will be simply awesome. You tried. You succeded. Is there anything better?

So, I think I'll start doing stuff, instead of just waiting.

This is what I learned today.

Cya later.

Fen

Hello World

Well, today I felt the need to have a place where I could just lay my thoughts , somewhere I could write. Somewhere I could let go of all frustrations.

So I created a blog.

Today, 26 / 03 / 09 marks the beggining of what I hope will be a great blog. Lets see if I can go through with this.

And, if you know me, you may ask...Why the hell are you writting in english? The answer is simple, because I feel like it! And no other reason! xD

So i think this is enough for an introduction.

Cya later.

Fen